Oooh, baby, baby (push it real good)

Surprise!!!!!

On December 13th 2009 Chris and I found out that in just 9 short months we were going to become, as my OBGYN so succinctly put it "a mommy and a daddy". You would think we would be jumping up and down for joy and shouting it from the roof tops, but, as many of you are just finding out, we screamed on the inside while keeping a calm and cool demeanor on the outside (at least in front of company). Many of you are probably still trying to pick your jaw up off the floor and for this I apologize. I took my first test on the 13th right after we had returned home from a business trip in Wisconsin. I didn't really believe it at first. Chris and I had been trying to conceive since August. I had all but given up hope. I read all sorts of horror stories over the past few months of women who had been trying to conceive for years and I just couldn't handle that kind and length of disappointment. So as of November I had pretty much given up. I started focusing on what else I was going to do with my life as creating and having a baby had completely consumed me in the previous months, and of course it happened as soon as I let go. Now here I was, getting ready to take a shower thinking 'well I might as well take a test for good measure' as "that time of the month" was just two days away. I remember I was just about to turn the shower on when I glanced over and saw a faint second line. WHAT?????? It didn't even register at first. What happened to that ever present single line that seemed to mock me each time I peed on one of those horrible contraptions! Then I had a cataclysmic moment where a bazillion thoughts flooded my mind, most markedly, 'do I go tell Chris?' which even at the time seemed like an odd thought.. although I'd have to say, the whole moment wasn't making all that much sense. I poked my head out of the bathroom and said "I just got a faint line on this test" which he in turn replied "and what does that mean?"... obviously we were both a bit of a loss here. "Well, it might mean I'm pregnant".... might... we kind of just stood there and looked at each other. We decided I'd wait a few days and take another one to be sure. On the 15th I took another test (picture above) and then went into the doctor to have it confirmed... That day we decided that, given it was my first pregnancy and the rate of miscarriages, we would wait till the second trimester to disclose the information (those conception horror stories turned into miscarriage info overload). My due date is August 23, 2010 and as that is our wedding anniversary I am hoping (after a healthy pregnancy, birth and baby) that our little one isn't one of those few babies that actually arrives on their due date.

I had severe nausea which, thank the Lord, only lasted a few weeks and subsided into morning sickness. The smell of food was no longer something that I happened by, it was something that happened to me. In my sleep I would dream of eating at lavish buffets and wake up dreading the smell of the kitchen. Chris was a good sport and made many of his meals and didn't take it personally when I sat as far away as I could while he ate. After a few weeks of that I could stand the sight of food but managed to throw up every morning. Luckily it wasn't all day and double lucky that it has all but subsided at this point *knock on wood*.

Our first appointment at the OBGYN was an uneventful yet exciting one. We filled out and answered medical history questions and I gave them all sorts of bodily fluids to be tested for only God knows what. The second appointment was by far the best time of my life however. Never in my life did I fathom that one of the most precious and perfect moments in my life would be in a doctors office... I had no idea what motherhood entailed. As the video shows we got to hear the life altering, world rocking, perspective clearing sound of our very first baby's heartbeat. I've used lots of words in my life to describe things, I actually pride myself in my capability, but this was one of those moments in life where explanations do no justice. It's an experience, a moment of enlightenment, a spiritual awakening, and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, wait till you hear your baby's heart beating inside your body. I guess the closest thing I can compare it to is this, and no it won't do it justice and yes, it's a bit corny. For those of you that have read the Twilight series it is just like imprinting. It's like all the chords that connect you to life, and what matters are all simultaneously snipped away. That little person inside became the only thing that really mattered, it brought true meaning to the phrase 'don't sweat the small stuff and everything is small stuff'. Suddenly the smallest thing in my life became the biggest thing that I ever have and will do. Everything went silent, there wasn't any thought or clutter in my mind, just the soft, rhythmic sound of that tiny little organ, my baby's life force and somehow, my life force as well. Eckhart Tolle explains in his book "The Power of Now" that true, unadulterated joy is experienced when their is no thought, and that my friends, is exactly the moment I had.. pure joy.

A huge thanks to Mrs. Kimberly Laird for the inspiration and motivation to get this blog going. She has an amazing blog you can check out by clicking her from my page.